dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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