Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
