I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
