My underwear smells like fireworks.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
