and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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