Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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