dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He better not be in your backpack
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
