I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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