I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
