My brain says no but my pants say off.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
