Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
