i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
they're like a gay fantastic four
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
