i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
