I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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