My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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