cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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