my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
