Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
They took my balls.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
