sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
