definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
