Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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