I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
