if you like me you must not know who I am
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She tied me up with her honor cords...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
