that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
me + whiskey = a bad person
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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