Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
