I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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