I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't think brook has ever known best
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
