Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
