he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
