So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
if only i could text you this smell
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
