He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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