I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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