I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
thus making me awesome and them whores
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
