i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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