I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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