omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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