I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
