Jerry, you need to find god
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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