I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
