How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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