apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
