Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Sober January is a disaster.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
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