Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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