Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
