Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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