i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
