He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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