are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
