I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
