I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
